How Male Tenderness Shapes Relationships: A Psychologist’s Perspective

When men engage in discussions about women, the topic of tenderness rarely surfaces. Yet, in the realm of psychology, this emotion is underexplored, despite being one of the most profound experiences we can have towards another person.

What is tenderness, exactly? Attempting to articulate it in words proves challenging; the definition consistently eludes, transitioning into emotions and feelings. Tenderness is the desire to embrace, to feel the breath and heartbeat of a close individual. It involves locking eyes without discomfort, a warm, velvety sensation of quiet joy that fills the chest, slightly constricts breath, and encourages deeper inhalations.

Where does this openness come from? In tenderness, a person radiates from within, devoid of the typical defensive tension. This leads to sensitivity to the slightest body movements, gentle strokes, and tremors.

What is clear is that tenderness involves experiencing the fragility and vulnerability of another, treating them with care. It demands softness, yet it is not synonymous with weakness.

Why It’s Challenging for Men to Express Tenderness

Tenderness becomes a stumbling block for many men. It is rejected because it requires vulnerability and a departure from the role-playing game where a man is a stone wall, an unwavering pillar indifferent to “all this nonsense.”

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How do men often transform tenderness? They attempt to preserve a sense of toughness, turning tenderness into a patronizing attitude. Men commonly translate tenderness into protection. However, tenderness cannot coexist with a rigid stance; support through tenderness is a soft pillow for the head, not a hard floor.

The denied tenderness towards women is often replaced by sexual arousal, desire becoming the sole intense emotion directed at women.

Scientific data reveals that if tenderness perceives the other person as a significant subject, sexual arousal objectifies, turning the other into a mere thing.

Research Insight: Studies suggest that denied tenderness may lead to the objectification of women, with sexual desire overshadowing emotional connection.

How do mature, well-formed erotic feelings combine tenderness and passion into a cohesive flow?

For many men, tenderness and desire become separate entities. Towards one woman, they may feel tenderness, while towards another, a strong and aggressive attraction devoid of emotions prevails.

It is crucial to integrate arousal and tenderness for a mature, developed erotic sense, avoiding extremes such as the “Madonna-Whore complex,” where women are categorized into those “for love” and those “for sex.”

Expert Insight: Dr. Ilya Latypov, a Gestalt therapist and psychology and archaeology blogger, emphasizes the importance of integrating tenderness and passion for healthy relationships.

How does the convergence of excitement and tenderness impact behavior? From arousal to tenderness comes activity, and from tenderness to arousal emerges a concern for the partner.


How does tenderness contribute to the depth of love?

Tenderness is a gateway to love, a crucial component that adds richness to the emotional tapestry of a relationship. It involves the desire to embrace, feel the closeness of a person, and share in their joys and vulnerabilities.

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Where does openness manifest in the experience of tenderness?

In tenderness, an individual radiates from within, shedding the usual defensive tension. This openness translates into heightened sensitivity to subtle body movements, gentle caresses, and an overall receptiveness to the other person.

What role does vulnerability play in expressing tenderness?

Vulnerability is inherent in tenderness. Men often struggle with expressing tenderness as it necessitates dropping the façade of an unyielding role. Tenderness thrives in an atmosphere where vulnerability is embraced, challenging traditional notions of strength.

When does tenderness become challenging for men?

Tenderness becomes a stumbling block for many men when they attempt to preserve a tough exterior. The rejection of tenderness often stems from the reluctance to relinquish the role of an unyielding figure in traditional gender dynamics.

What impact does the denial of tenderness have on relationships?

The denial of tenderness often leads to the substitution of sexual arousal as the primary intense emotion directed at women. Scientific data suggests that denied tenderness may result in the objectification of women, overshadowing emotional connections with purely physical desire.

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1 Comment

  1. Tenderness isnt just mushy stuff; its like a warm hug for the soul, you know?

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